Barefoot & Breathless

The Age of Innocence

It is a happy accident that makes a photo such as this. I feel blessed beyond measure for having this girl in my life :-)

Motherhood vs. Career

Moments I never want to miss!

 

I've had to take a break for awhile, but I'm feelin' the itch to come back to this. I've been so overwhelmed lately as I try to get back into the working world. I'm doing it because I'm antsy being at home everyday, and because we really need the money right now. It is proving to be more difficult (mentally) than I thought, though!

My daughter is a Mama's girl, no question about that! She's not too keen on my leaving her behind whenever I have to go somewhere. It pulls at my heart like you wouldn't believe, and makes me question everything I'm doing. On one hand I am loving my time "out". I'm meeting creative people again. I'm thinking creatively again. I'm adding to my resume. I'm networking and enjoying the socialization. I've been so isolated the last three years. I loved having that time with my daughter, but I'm hungry for adult conversation and creative collaboration!

On the other hand, I know my daughter needing me like this is only temporary... and I hate to rush this time in my life. There are days when I really do feel good being at home, watching the kids, caring for them, making homemade dinners, and gardening....but it gets lonely. It gets old sometimes. I try to appreciate the moments, but they blend together after awhile. If I get a chance to do a job on location for a bit...I seem to be able to appreciate my time with the kids more when I return.

It's all about balance I suppose. I know I need to nurture my own soul while I'm nurturing theirs...otherwise there isn't enough of me to go around. If I don't, resentment sets in and I don't want to ever feel that. It is so difficult to remember to take care of yourself, though, to not overlook your own needs when everyone else's are so pressing.

As I move forward, I'm working hard on not feeling guilty that I'm doing something for ME, even if it is momentarily taking me away from my family. They will benefit from it, too, one day. Not just financially, but emotionally. I won't be so frustrated or stressed out. They won't have to experience me being like that. My kids will have opportunities to bond with other adults (especially my daughter who needs that like you wouldn't believe!), and my husband will have the chance to interact with the kids without having me around as a buffer!

All I know is it takes a lot of courage and self-confidence to put yourself out there after such a long break from the working world. I feel blessed that it is going as well as it has. I feel blessed that I have people in my life who believe in me and support what I'm trying to do, even if it is just a series of small baby steps right now. It all leads into the "big plan" eventually.

Right now I'm looking at two weeks of educational teaching at Discovery World and four possible photography jobs. Each day presents new opportunities, if I keep my eyes open. I'm lucky that I'm finding freelance work right now, so I can continue to make my own schedule around my family life. I'm excited to see where this all goes!

For now, though, I'll just keep moving forward...one day at a time... believing in myself and my abilities, and appreciating the moments I have with my family more in between. 

Taking a Necessary Reprieve

Into the pages of the past I creep, as the present unfurls into uncertain tomorrows.

 

I haven't been around much lately, and it has been for reasons more than just spring cleaning and gardening. I have so much that I wish to do with this blog...with my life even, that doesn't seem to be happening at the moment. I have the best of intentions, but I'm too distraught, too stressed out lately to accomplish much of anything. I need to step back a little. The wonderful thing about this blog is that it will still be here when I'm ready for it, and if I lose interest from readers in the meantime, so be it. I need to take care of this. I need to heal myself. This year is not only about my physical health, but it must also be about my mental health. I must take this time to become the person I once was, and at the moment, even the pressure of posting regularly seems a daunting task. 

 

I have some things that I've been avoiding for the last 5 years...skeletons in my closet, so to speak, that can no longer be avoided. It's time I focus my attention on this. I can't keep ignoring it, or it will continue to consume me and with it all my energy for life. It is affecting my family and my ability to be a good mother. So, I must keep myself away from other distractions for the moment and focus on what needs to be done. If you'd like to hear more about my story and what I will be doing over the next few days, weeks, or months, however long it takes...you can read more on the page I've written: Where Children Shouldn't Be.

 

From time to time I may feel the urge to share something that occurs to me as I go through this process, but I will make no commitment as to when, or even if I will share at this point in time. For now I just have to take things one day at a time. See you again soon, and thanks for understanding,

 

Darcey

My Personal Chef!

She's a natural!

 

Sunshine and Swings

 

This girl has captured my heart (even if she did wake up screaming four times last night).

Hangin' with Rodney @ SMILES

This is Rodney...I think I'm in love with him. Isn't he gorgeous! So maybe he has a few whiskers, but that's okay. He's pretty sweet.

Rodney lives at SMILES. An equine therapy center for the disabled outside of Darien, WI. He was my buddy last night while my son (Riley) and I were volunteering there. You can read more about that here. Riley and I were pretty excited to practice our saddling skills that we learned last week.

Riley is getting pretty good at this stuff! I can see riding in his future (he wishes it were now, but we have to wait a while. At least we are learning, that's the important thing).

This is Rodney telling me to quit taking his picture. I don't think he likes my camera...I suppose it doesn't help that I had to use the flash. I was probably blinding the poor guy! I don't have the right camera or lens for this situation at the moment, though, so it had to do. Sorry Rodney.

"I'm serious, quit taking my picture!"

 

Ah, I'm just kidding. He was a sweetie pie. All the horses at SMILES are calm and gentle. I know they are trained to be that way, and they aren't accepted in the program if they aren't, but it still surprises me what they will put up with.

 

Now Honey here....  

  

She thought it would be fun to try and eat my camera. She's a beauty! I have a picture that I drew when I was about nine years old that I swear looks just like her! I had goose bumps when I met her. It was like I knew I was going to meet her one day when I drew her long ago...

I'll have to see if I still have the picture in my studio somewhere.

This time we even had to sweep the barn.

It's amazing, though. Tuesday gets here and I'm always in the middle of something. I have a fleeting thought that Ah, I shouldn't go, I'm too busy. It's not like I have to bet there, but I go anyway, and I'm never sorry. I love that we get to be around the horses, that we're learning how to handle them, work with them, and take care of them.

I love that I get to spend the time with my son, too. Every time I'm walking across the arena, and I see him from a distance I feel proud. He's here because he wants to be. He knows he's doing a good thing, and he's ready and willing to learn more. It makes me happy, to say the least...something is working. He's growing into a fine young man.

And I'm loving the experience with the kids, as well. I wish I could take their picture, but there needs to be legal forms of consent signed before they can have their photo taken and published.

The girl I worked with last night was named Lacey. She is already to the point where she can walk her horse off lead, steer him through an obstacle course, start, stop, and back him up. She was quiet and shy at the beginning, but once we started walking, she relaxed almost instantly. Next thing I knew she became this little, laughing, chatter box full of noises and stories. It made me laugh, smile, and just plain feel good to be helping her.

I'm glad I finally decided to do this.

Mounted Shooting

 

What am I gonna do now? Can you believe that my son, Riley, has become absolutely fascinated by this? Sure, he's been really into the whole Hunter's Safety thing, then he went into Trap Shooting...but this? I never saw this coming in a million years.

I guess it's my fault...at least partially. I am the one that got us into volunteering at SMILES. I thought it would be good to get us around some horses, especially if we want to have our own one day. Who would have ever thought that he'd have discovered the existance of this there?

We'll see is all I can say for the moment.

Preparing the Garden Today!

 

We're off to assess the damage and find some compost! Wish us luck, it's gonna be a busy day!

Developing my new virtual home!

 
Image found here.

Just like moving in real life...you need to not only have a destination in mind, but have a house built to move into! I've spent the last week or so figuring out those details. I've got a location here on TypePad, and I've got the basic structure nailed down. However, I still need to choose which posts from my existing blogs are going to come along for the move, and get going on some new ones, too! I'm pretty excited about the whole thing. This is the basic rundown:

I've combined my old Barefoot & Breathless blog from blogger, as well as 365 Day of Discovery...and have even added a few others. Yes it probably sounds crazy and overly ambitious, but I think you'll see that it works wonderfully. I am in love with TypePad, to say the least. I've been able to set up my new home as if it were a website, rather than just a blog, with links from page to page. Now I'll be able to focus more!

What you are reading now will be my home base: Barefoot & Breathless - A Renaissance Soul in Flight.

Under Daily Adventures you can expect to see notes regarding progress on this blog, any tips or tricks I've discovered, videos of my daughter telling crazy stories from her imagination, what's on my mind as I finally go through the boxes in my basement that I took from my mother's house after she died, a pic-nic on any given sunny day, a hike through Kettle Moraine, a visit with us as the holidays come and go, and general glimpses into the daily adventures from a family life of four (maybe five) creative, hardworking, and loving individuals with two dogs and a mouse. From here you will also be able to access:

Barefoot & Breathless - A Naturopathic Journey is where I focus on holistic health and wellness.

I'll be sharing my 28 day journey to discovering my food intolerances, as well as natural remedies and recipes that I believe will provide some answers regarding how to deal with/overcome fibromyalgia, depression, and weight loss. This portion of the blog is an effort on my part to really focus on overcoming my health issues. I am taking this next year of my life to consciously work at this EVERYDAY. I can't wait any longer. I can't expect medicine and endless doctors appointments to fix me anymore. I've done that for the last three years and it isn't working. I know I can go back to being a vibrant, healthy, and energetic individual. If I can find my own answers to my problems, I want more than anything, to share them with you in the hopes that you or your loved ones that suffer from chronic illnesses can find your way to a life free of pain and stress.

Barefoot & Breathless - Urban Homestead is where I share my family's journey towards a more sustainable life.

You'll be able to find a lot of info here about becoming more self-sufficient, going green, organic gardening, preserving your harvest, environmentally safe cleaning products that you can make yourself, and much, much more! I'll show you how we transformed our suburban backyard into a place that can feed a family of four. And you'll most likely hear more about my attempts to get my town to accept chickens and bees in our backyard! I'll also be looking into how you can start your own community farmer's market, a farmer's co-op, and a farmgirl sisterhood! I'm not quite sure how it will all pan out...but I'm ready to get my community going, to raise their awareness, and for as long as I live here, encourage them to come together as a collective. I don't think we should be living solitary lives, devoid of friends and neighbors that could add to our experiences. We need to know our neighbors and find kindred spirits with whom we can work together with if we are ever going to make a difference on this planet.

Barefoot & Breathless in the Studio is where I will share moments of living, working, and exploring the creative life.

Here you will be able to see what I've been up to in letterpress, photography, interior design, and graphic design (just to name a few of my current interests). I'll talk about art for art's sake, and how to make a profit off of your creativity. I'll also be showcasing crafts/art projects that will get your kids involved! It's never too soon to encourage and develop their creativity. Once I get a little more established, I'll also be opening up an Etsy store! Soon you'll be able to purchase some of my letterpress work and photos (for starters). I am also considering some graphics kits/vector art for purchase, as well as craft/project kits. You'll just have to stop by regularly to see what shows up!

Barefoot & Breathless in Mexico is where I will share my story of learning to live and love south of the border.

And here....there is so much I intend to do here. You'll come along with me as I meet my in-laws in Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca, Mexico for the first time, learn what goes into making the decision to uproot your life and build a second home south of the border, as well as learn about Hispanic culture along the way. I will tell you now, the first thing I need to do is learn more Spanish! I am going to feature a daily vocabulary word in Spanish for starters, expand into more complex lessons regarding sentence structure...and even add a few videos of my lessons with my husband! I'll especially focus on what you need to know to travel to Mexico and communicate on a basic, functional level, without a handy guide or translator nearby!  It should prove very interesting. You'll probably get to see us argue over pronunciation as he says a word, I repeat it, then he says it again, and I say "That's what I said!", over and over. Nah...it'll be a little more intersting than that!

Throughout all of this I will be adding photos galore! There is so much in this life to see, do, and document. I only hope I can do it justice.


So, here we go! Wish me luck, let me know what could be improved upon, or what just doesn't make any sense. I look forward to meeting everyone and I hope we have many friendships ahead of us!

Darcey